should i??

should i apply for SKP or not..?
i've once applied for it but i didn't manage to finish it...
hm...
if only sir kam want me to be his student of SKP again..
but i think i won't..
or i should work at Servay again??
as a promoter??
hmm..

went for interview...

emma, lenna, zira n me went for interview the branch manager of CIMB Bank this morning.. a lil bit nervous but the manager was sporting n cool...but actually he's lenna's father..huhuhu...neway, it went smooth n nice..we manage to ask n speak in English confidently with outsider..guess we're not that bad.. after that, we made some observation in the banking hall..some limitation occured but its ok..we asked them first before doing the observation..what i can say is only the security n the woman who gave us the permission are friendly..thats all..

hungry

its 12pm n i haven't had my lunch yet..
waiting for him needs a lot of patient..
he's still sleeping and doesn't want to wake up..
hm..
guys..
please..
wake up early in the morning..
this is to train u to be a good father one day..
what happen to ur job if u wake up late?
u can't feed ur family then..
so...TAUFIK....WAKE UP!!!
(if only he can hear my voice inside my head)
ergh...!!!

dad is coming to town!!!

it's been almost 2 years since my dad left Sabah..
he will be here in July 9-11, 2010..
i hope this time he will surely come here..
the reason why he suddenly come here is because he will be having a gathering with the members of his website, 'Jommelayu'....
before this, the gathering had already held in Johor, Kelantan, Penang..
this is the purpose of meeting the members face to face instead of connecting in the Jommelayu only..
so far, my dad had meet with a lots of people from different state (of course) with different types of jobs and their relationship has become closer..
who knows that Sabah has a lot of extraordinary people too..
recently, my dad has two new websites under Jommelayu which are 'Jommelayuniaga' and 'nurekhsanbudi'..
i was hoping that my friends will join my dad's website..
for us in Sabah, we can join the group of 'Jommelayu North Borneo' which can be joined by non-Malay too..
and if anyone interested in the gathering, u can ask me..
i invite all of u to come to the gathering for free and it open to non-members too..

ask me first!!

my cousin..
she puts my pics in fb without wearing any scarf..
i asked her to delete that pics but he blamed Taufik for stopping me from upload those pics..
the prob is..i didn't asked her to upload my pics but she thought that Taufik was the one who asked her to delete it..
and now...we're kinda having a fight bcoz of this small matter...
so....i want to delete my fb's account n create a new one without her in my friend list....
she's 23 this year n she should be matured when dealing things like this...
a Muslim must protect their hair from being seen by others..she should ask my permission first..!!

it's a song..

I AM..
WHO"S THAT GIRL..
HIDE AWAY..
these are all songs by HILARY DUFF..
the lyrics suits my feelings by the time i published it..

hide away

hiding away..
losing the day..
as if it doesn't really matter..
saying goodbye..
scared to say why..
afraid it will shatter our world..
show me some faith now..
trust me somehow..
why are we keeping our secrets?
why are we hiding ourselves away?
anyway..we can't hide away..
i don't want to fake it..
i wanna make u believe what i say..
i won't let u hide away..
where do we go?
how do we know?
what we're ever really after?
sometimes it's clear..
when u'r here..
nothing can shatter our world..
i need some faith now..
to trust u somehow..
maybe i'm losing..
maybe i'm okay..
we turn around, look around, go around in circle..
don't run away, drift away, don't hide away..

holidays..

last week, my family and i went to ranau to have a picnic..we're also play in a river near ranau..it was a very exciting moments..

i can't believe..

my mom has a new child..
he was a boy..
he's 1 years old i guess..
she gave birth after 15 years with another guy..
i never want to believe that she did this to us..
but God had shown to me how cruel she is..
she's willing to leave us just to be with another guy and wants to be free..
she talked bad things bout my dad..
until everyone hate him..

mom..
how dare u..
the pain that u created for us won't seem to heal..
u'r happy now..
happy with new life, new child n new husband..
u abandoned us..
why?
Dear God..
please strengthen our hearts..
for i feel like i can't take it anymore..

looking for myself..

life can be very stressful..
sometimes i can't handle it..
it's hard to face it by your own..
although it'll train u to be stronger..
i'm juz not being the one i used to be..
which was strong n never giv up..
now, those words can't tell me to do so..
i'd rather run from the stresses..
than face it no matter what happen..
where is me??
a girl that used to live in the rainbow..
without having dark side in her life..
life is up n down..
we'll go through everything around the circle of life..
God..help me make through the days n nights...
i need the strength again..

bad day..

today's presentation was kind of nervous..
i'm not that good at persuading people to buy anything..
but what i can say is it's not bad to try Maxis services..
i use maxis,celcom n digi at one time juz to compare them..
i still love Maxis since 2002..
digi n celcom can't give me the gud services like maxis...
n maxis is the 5th largest company listed in klse..
frenz...try out maxis..
nowadays, mobile phones are getting cheaper..
grab 1 phone n use maxis..

who's that girl?

there were places we would go at midnight...
there were secrets that nobody else would know..
there's a reason but i don't know why..
i thought they all belonged to me..
seems that everything's the same around me..
then i look again and everything has changed..
i'm not dreaming so i don't know why..
she's everywhere i wanna be..
who's that girl?
where's she from?
no...she can't be the one that u want..
the one that has stolen my world..
it's not real..
it's not right..
it's my day..
it's my night..
by the way..who's that girl that lives in my life?
i'm the one who made u laugh..
who made u feel and made u sad..
i'm not sorry..
for what we did..
for who we are..
i'm not sorry..
i'm not her..

i miss you..

i started to know u when i was 14..
u had been there for me since then..
i loved to date with u whenever i want..
even i will bring u along when i want to sleep..
i liked u when u were on pink..
i loved u juz the way u are..
u gave me strength when i was down..
u wiped my tears when i cried..
i always said u were half of my life..
i didn't know what to do without u near me..
i kept my memories inside u..
u were the only one who knew me so well..
until one day..i had lost u..
i don't recognise myself anymore..
i forgot about u..
forgot about myself..
forgot about us..
i'm sorry..
now that i can still be with u but i juz can't..
looking at u everyday but couldn't spend time with u anymore...
but 1 thing for sure...
I MISS YOU.....MY DIARIES......

lost of words..

there was a time..
when i used to talk or tell people or share with others or write on my diary..
be as bossy and talkative as i can..
i'm like a reporter to myself and others..
i can't keep those things that happened for so long..
but now..i'm opposite..
i'm not i used to be..
until now..i don't know what to post in my blog..
and i don't write anymore..
i'm blurr..
seems like nothing that i want to talk about..
it's juz that i've become a quiet person..

bout me...

I'M AN ANGEL..I'M A DEVIL..I AM SOMETIMES IN BEETWEEN..I'M AS BAD AS IT CAN GET N AS GUD AS IT CAN BE..SOMETIMES I'M A MILLION COLOUR..SOMETIMES I'M BLACK N WHITE..I AM ALL EXTREME..TRY 2 FIGURE ME OUT??U NEVER CAN..THERE'S SO MANY THINGS I AM..I AM SPECIAL..I AM BEAUTIFUL..I AM WONDERFUL N POWERFUL..UNSTOPPABLE..SOMETIMES I'M MISERABLE..SOMETIMES I'M PITIFUL..BUT THAT'S SO TYPICAL OF ALL THE THINGS I AM..I'M SOMEONE WHO FILLED WITH SELF-BELIEF..N HAUNTED BY SELF-DOUBT..I GOT ALL THE ANSWER..I'VE NOTHING FIGURED OUT..I LIKE TO BE BY MYSELF..I HATE TO BE ALONE..I'M UP N I AM DOWN..BUT THAT'S PART OF THE THRILL..PART OF THE PLAN..PART OF ALL THE THINGS I AM..I'M A MILLION CONTRADICTIONS..SOMETIMES I MAKE NO SENSE..SOMETIMES I'M PERFECT..SOMETIMES I'M A MESS..SOMETIMES I'M NOT SURE WHO I AM..

money doesn't matter

there was a student who studied in a university..his family wasn't that rich but still they can support their life..so the student apply a loan from PTPTN..one day, his father ask him a sum of money to be used for his brothers' school and for personal use due to financial problems that they were facing..but the student complaints..its not that he doesn't want to give his father but he's wondering, why must his father ask from him? he still studying, not working like his older brothers..at last, he gave half of the amount asked to his father..

for me..
parents are the one who have raised us until we can be in the university or any places in this world..without them, we don't even exist in this life..have you ever thought of the difficulties for raising us up?how hard your father worked to feed you and your family?by the time they don't have money, they're willing to lend from their friends..and many other difficulties that we couldn't even think of any..never scared to give your money to the one who needs it..money is everywhere..its up to us how we search for it..and always believe in God..He will always helps us whenever we need one..we help people today, who knows someone might help you next day..so be HELPFUL..

not really good..

I love English..
my dad always tell us to be good in English..
he even forbid us to watch Malay movies..except P. Ramlee's movies..
not just watch but try to understand what the characters said..
I obeyed..
but sometimes when he's not around, i'll watch Malay movies too..
i love to sing..
so he'll ask me to sing English songs..
not just sing but understand the meanings..
i've followed..
i did my best to learn English..
Compete with my friends at school..
gives 100% commitment in learning English..
now i'm 20 but still i have to learn more..
and I'm not really good in English but i enjoy learning them..
friends..
tell me when I've made mistakes in grammar so that i can correct them..
let us all help each other instead of just writing blogs..
indirectly..we will have benefits in the purpose of writing blogs..
:)

alone, lonely and loner..

going through this life alone..
without mom and dad..
will have to take care of myself alone..
and carry the responsibility of my parents alone..

although i'm not really alone in carrying the responsibilities, in taking care of myself or even in going through this life but yet i still feel lonely..
i feel lonely when no one listen to me..
feel lonely when i'm sad..
when i have to motivate myself..
when i encourage myself..
when searching my own strength...
forcing myself to do things that i don't like just to make people around me happy..
and have to be thousand times extra patient..

all these years..
i've gone through the same things..
but still..it doesn't makes me immune..
i keep falling down and standing up..
that made me became a loner..
where i don't feel like i want to have companies..
for i will feel like i'm disturbing others..
and i will feel i'm not suit for any friends..
a loner will stands up on their feet..
and so am i..

simple friend vs. real friend

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself and doesn't feel even the least bit weird shutting your 'Pepsi drawer' with her foot!

A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend shoulder is soggy from your tears..

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names. A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party. A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

A simple friend hates it when you call after they've gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems. A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it!

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument. A real friend calls you after you had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for them. A real friend expects to always be there for you!

When you are down to nothing ... God is up to something.

'Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.'

treat us like kites..

parents are normally cannot control their childs..
my advice is to treat them like kites..
you should hold the string so that it won't fly away..
if it flies away, you'll lose it..
so let the string free..but don't lose it..
pull it a little bit lower when it flies too high..
it won't fly away as long as u hold it and be able to pull it back to you..
be smart to control your 'kites'...

happy or unhappy??

here...i have my nanny..
i have my grandpa..
i have my brother..
my cousins..
im in my hometown..
but..why i'm not really happy?
why am i stressed?
why did i blamed for others mistakes?
even the smallest mistakes...

there...i have my dad..
i have my friends..
i can go wherever i want..
be home as late as i want..
be with whoever i want..
i can be a mom n sister at one time..
but..
there is nothing that can bothers me..
i'm happy..
even when i'm not..
bcause i'm in my world..
a world that i miss so much..
and bear to live in it again...